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It has been widely advocated by parenting experts, teachers and leaders per se that William Glasser's Choice Theory ought to replace external control psychology in raising youth. External control psychology is currently implemented widely by parents of toddlers and preadolescents without too much resistance. However when applied to teenagers, presents a major problem and threatens your parent teenager relationship.
External control psychology threatens, cajoles and punishes the recipient into submission, destroying the relationship. If applied in a parent teenager relationship, it clearly prevents both parent and teenager alike from experiencing satisfaction. Rather than connection, disconnection and alienation result.
Oftentimes, such a division is viewed as a necessary evil in raising teenagers. This has resulted in phrases like 'the generation gap' to emerge.
My experience and observation tells me that a 'falling out' between parent and teen is definitely avoidable. The truth be told, the parent teenager relationship offers amazing opportunities for a meaningful and deep connection to be made.
Glasser compares and contrasts Choice Theory with External Control Theory.
Glasser's Seven Caring Habits Of Choice Theory include; supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting and negotiating differences.
On the other hand, the Seven Deadly Habits of External Control Theory include; criticising, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, bribing or rewarding to control.
The Seven Caring Habits tells us what a parent who applies a coaching philosophy does. If these practices are not the norm in your parent teenager relationship, then I daresay, that your relationship needs a transformation.
The Seven Deadly Habits sadly describes the nature of far too many parent teenager relationships in today's modern world.
So if you are currently in a parent teenager relationship, it is crunch time, unless of course you are already enjoying a great relationship. If not, you have a choice. You either continue to parent your teen as if they were still ten years old and run a high risk of alienating them for a long long time. Alternatively you transition your parenting approach that fits your teenager that recognises their emergence as a mature independent adult.
The stakes are very high indeed. Ultimately the well being of both yourself and your teenager lies in the balance. The quality of your parent teenager relationship will determine which way the penny will drop.
External control psychology threatens, cajoles and punishes the recipient into submission, destroying the relationship. If applied in a parent teenager relationship, it clearly prevents both parent and teenager alike from experiencing satisfaction. Rather than connection, disconnection and alienation result.
Oftentimes, such a division is viewed as a necessary evil in raising teenagers. This has resulted in phrases like 'the generation gap' to emerge.
My experience and observation tells me that a 'falling out' between parent and teen is definitely avoidable. The truth be told, the parent teenager relationship offers amazing opportunities for a meaningful and deep connection to be made.
Glasser compares and contrasts Choice Theory with External Control Theory.
Glasser's Seven Caring Habits Of Choice Theory include; supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting and negotiating differences.
On the other hand, the Seven Deadly Habits of External Control Theory include; criticising, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, bribing or rewarding to control.
The Seven Caring Habits tells us what a parent who applies a coaching philosophy does. If these practices are not the norm in your parent teenager relationship, then I daresay, that your relationship needs a transformation.
The Seven Deadly Habits sadly describes the nature of far too many parent teenager relationships in today's modern world.
So if you are currently in a parent teenager relationship, it is crunch time, unless of course you are already enjoying a great relationship. If not, you have a choice. You either continue to parent your teen as if they were still ten years old and run a high risk of alienating them for a long long time. Alternatively you transition your parenting approach that fits your teenager that recognises their emergence as a mature independent adult.
The stakes are very high indeed. Ultimately the well being of both yourself and your teenager lies in the balance. The quality of your parent teenager relationship will determine which way the penny will drop.
About the Author:
Are you frustratedand worn out fighting with your teen? Is your home more of a war zoneinstead of a place of comfort and peace? If this is your miserablereality, you have arrived at the right place. Parenting expert, Paul Saver, is giving away seven FREE parenting videos that are formulatedto get your relationship back on track. So if your parent teen relationship is in need of an upgrade, just click on the link.
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