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In your parent teenager relationship, you are most likely aware of the need to praise your kid when he does things right. This will help him build a healthy level of self esteem. However it is possible to 'go over the top' in the way you offer your praise and recognition so that your efforts can become counterproductive.
I want to share with you four major areas in which the use of praise in your parent teenager relationship can be counter productive.
Firstly. Dishing out cliches such as "excellent" or "fantastic" to praise your teen can become meaningless. It is far better to offer specific feedback such as "I noticed despite all the pressure, you were able to turn a defensive move into an attack on goal". This kind of feedback is specific, more personal and educational, making it superior to any cliches.
Secondly. Consider the age appropriateness of your praise. Offering praise to your nine year old for combing his hair can cause him to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. However, for a sixteen year old it may cause him to feel insulted.
Thirdly. Try to avoid words of praise that reminds your teen of some past failure or weakness. For instance, don't say: "It's about time you finally scored a goal after missing so many times". This kind of praise communicates failure and takes the gloss off the success achieved.
Fourthly. Be aware that excessive praise can interfere with a teenagers motivation to accomplish for himself. Sometimes parents go overboard in praising their teenager's accomplishment such that the result achieved becomes more important to the parent than to the teenager. This may dampen and even kill off the desire of the teenager to be successful. In short, it adds unnecessary pressure on the teenager to perform.
From the above, it can be seen that praise can be delivered with negative results.
To establish the best possible parent teenager relationship; be careful to make the praise age appropriate, describe the specific good actions of your teenager rather than make sweeping general comments, avoid reminders of failure in the words of praise you choose and don't be overly enthusiastic in your praise.
I want to share with you four major areas in which the use of praise in your parent teenager relationship can be counter productive.
Firstly. Dishing out cliches such as "excellent" or "fantastic" to praise your teen can become meaningless. It is far better to offer specific feedback such as "I noticed despite all the pressure, you were able to turn a defensive move into an attack on goal". This kind of feedback is specific, more personal and educational, making it superior to any cliches.
Secondly. Consider the age appropriateness of your praise. Offering praise to your nine year old for combing his hair can cause him to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. However, for a sixteen year old it may cause him to feel insulted.
Thirdly. Try to avoid words of praise that reminds your teen of some past failure or weakness. For instance, don't say: "It's about time you finally scored a goal after missing so many times". This kind of praise communicates failure and takes the gloss off the success achieved.
Fourthly. Be aware that excessive praise can interfere with a teenagers motivation to accomplish for himself. Sometimes parents go overboard in praising their teenager's accomplishment such that the result achieved becomes more important to the parent than to the teenager. This may dampen and even kill off the desire of the teenager to be successful. In short, it adds unnecessary pressure on the teenager to perform.
From the above, it can be seen that praise can be delivered with negative results.
To establish the best possible parent teenager relationship; be careful to make the praise age appropriate, describe the specific good actions of your teenager rather than make sweeping general comments, avoid reminders of failure in the words of praise you choose and don't be overly enthusiastic in your praise.
About the Author:
Are you looking for ways in which you can have a normal relationship with your teenager without all the fighting and nonsense? If so, grab a hold of parenting expert, Paul Saver's 7 FREE parenting videos. Each video has been carefully designed to help you transform your parent teenager relationship so that when you speak, they actually want to listen to you.
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