Channel FIVE5: 2012-08-05

The Taj Mahal, best experienced on a postcard.

1. If you see one thing, see the Taj Mahal

No offense to Shah Jahan and Mumtaz, but there are dozens of sites in India that are guaranteed to mesmerize.

If Mughal architecture is your thing, then definitely make the somehow-always unpleasant journey to Agra.

Otherwise, Udaipur, Ranakpur or even Munnar should be the highlight of your journey.

The art of haggling = don't be a jerk.

2. Unless you’re in a government-run shop, you need to haggle

The first problem with this myth is that it can be confusing how to determine what is truly a government-run shop, if there even are such official things.

Depending on where you are, you may not need to haggle on prices at all, particularly if items are marked.

In tourist areas, buying tourist-marketed goods, there's a high likelihood you may need to break out your bargaining skills.

3. You can find a great yoga experience anywhere in India

While this may be true to some extent, don’t depend on the place you're traveling to have the exact style of yoga you’re used to or even a style that you'd identify as yoga.

The yogic practice is widespread and diverse. If you find yourself in a room with an old man leading you in finger-bending exercises and visioning for an hour, you may have to maintain "flexibility."

4. Rajasthan is India's “must-see” state

As with myth number one, there's something for everyone in India. If you enjoy lakes, palaces and sweet food, Rajasthan may be your best bet.

If you want a big city, undisturbed jungle or snow-capped peaks, it might be worth skipping Rajasthan, especially if you’re pressed for time.

Can we get a plate of non-spicy? Probably not.

5. Most restaurants will adjust the level of spice in their food to suit your palate

If you don’t like spicy food, you're making a bold choice by even showing up in India.

You can always ask for milder food, but failing that you can temper your food with dahi (curd) and lots of tea.

6. Women should only wear pants or ankle-length skirts

Dressing respectfully and appropriately means different things in different places.

While hotpants will be extremely inappropriate pretty much everywhere other than Goa, we've yet to see anyone look appropriate in an ankle-length skirt in a nightclub in Mumbai.

No gender divides when it comes to clean panipuri.

7. Only buy street food prepared by women -– it’s more hygienic

If you find a female street food vendor in India, please let us know.

The hygiene at some street food stalls may be dubious, but it can be just as bad at fancy restaurants.

Locals are concerned about hygeine, as well. Places with queues that reach around the block are good bets.

8. If you're unclear about bathroom habits, just ask

Follow this advice only if you want to have the most awkward conversation of your trip.

If you're at a rest stop or small establishment whose bathroom procedures are unclear to you, don’t involve anyone else in that adventure.

9. Locals are friendly -- you'll likely be invited to their family celebrations

Indians aren’t actually that crazy about inviting strangers to their personal events, regardless of their skin color. Don’t get your hopes up.

The Pashmina, judged like a superfino Panama hat.

10. A real pashmina will fit through a ring

So will a Kleenex, but that doesn’t mean you should pay extra for it.

11. Rent an Ambassador to handle the potholes and road bumps

Do not rent a car here unless you already have extensive experience with the road conditions.

And even then, an Ambassador, while charming and probably a phenomenal photo opportunity, is probably not your best bet.

Indian trains are good for local flavor.

12. The train is the best way to experience India

Well … unfortunately this one might be true, but there are definitely a lot of other ways to go about it.

Two-wheelers, cars, helicopters, boats, planes ... there are lots of ways to get around. The trains can be quite convenient until you get harassed, waitlisted, delayed.

NASA CONFIRMS ALIEN INVASION!.

HOUSTON – NASA confirmed today that aliens are invading earth – and they are attacking us because of global warming!

WWN has been the ONLY media source reporting on the ongoing alien invasion. WWN’s own Frank Lake has been the top investigative reporter in the world on this issue. Governments around the globe have been covering up the invasion in order to avoid worldwide panic. But WWN feels we must report the truth, and if we take peaceful actions now – we can avoid a war with aliens.

As reported here many times, the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials has confirmed that aliens from Planet Zeeba began invading our planet – in large numbers – in October, 2011. The U.N. Panel, led by Dr. John Malley, predicts that the invasion will last until December 2015 – at which time earth will be under full control of the aliens from Zeeba. If we act now, we can co-exist peacefully with the aliens.

In a stunning announcement today, NASA confirmed Frank Lake’s reportage. ”Aliens have been invading our planet in ever-increasing numbers,” warns a report from NASA.

The reason?

NASA says that rising greenhouse emissions may have tipped off aliens that we are a rapidly expanding threat. “Watching from afar, extraterrestrials have viewed changes in Earth’s atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilization out of control – and are taking drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat,” NASA researchers explain.

Scientists at Pennsylvania State University predict that humans and aliens from Zeeba will make direct contact with each other by the end of 2012.
Jessica Wygal-Markum of NASA’s Planetary Science Division and her colleagues compiled a list of plausible outcomes that could unfold in the aftermath of a close encounter, to help humanity “prepare for actual contact”.
In the report, “When Humans Meet Zeebans,” the researchers divide alien contacts into three broad categories: beneficial, neutral or harmful.
Beneficial encounters were productive and peaceful meetings held with extraterrestrial intelligence (ETI). These meetings will help us advance our knowledge and solve global problems such as hunger, poverty and disease.
One of the scientists, Joyti Aggarwalla, thought another beneficial outcome would be humanity triumph over a more powerful alien aggressor, or even being saved by a second group of ETs – possibly from Mars. “In these scenarios, humanity benefits not only from the major moral victory of having defeated a daunting rival, but also from the opportunity to reverse-engineer ETI technology,” the authors write.

Other kinds of close encounters may be less rewarding and leave much of human society feeling indifferent towards aliens. The Zeebans may be too different from us for meaningful communication to take place. They might invite humanity to join the “Galactic Club” only for us to find the entry requirements to be too bureaucratic and tedious for humans to bother with or the club mascot may have a foul odor or terrify small children.
The most unappealing outcomes would arise if the aliens from Planet Zeeba caused harm to humanity. While aliens may arrive to eat, enslave or attack us, the report adds that people might also suffer from being physically crushed or by contracting diseases carried by the visitors. In especially unfortunate incidents, humanity could be wiped out when a more advanced civilisation accidentally unleashes an unfriendly artificial intelligence, or performs a catastrophic physics experiment that renders a portion of the galaxy uninhabitable.
To bolster humanity’s chances of survival, the researchers call for caution in sending signals into space and to send Alien Search Teams across the planet – to peacefully attempt to connect with the aliens.

The authors of the NASA report warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of civilisations that expand very rapidly, as these may be prone to destroy other life as they grow, just as humans have pushed species to extinction on Earth. In the most extreme scenario, aliens might choose to destroy humanity to protect other civilizations.
Let’s hope that humanity makes the right choice and makes peaceful overtures to the aliens amongst us. If not… well, our days are numbered.